what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
