Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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