I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
