i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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