I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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