I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
