Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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