highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
