Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
