I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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