mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize