What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
