Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
