so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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