So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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