yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
