I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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