im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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