I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
