Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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