i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just invented taco cereal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
