You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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