If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
