kristin has been a bad kristin
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
