The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
