they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize