His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
