if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
