You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone says I win the strip club
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
