You just made me feel so damn special
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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