So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
