I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Even my vagina gasped.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
