There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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