Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
