i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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