sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
