I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I want to fling myself into the sun
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
