So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
