The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
