why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
