There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
