I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
