Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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