If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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