Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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