I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize