Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
