I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
