Fine. I'll sleep in my office
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize