6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
