The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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