So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
