just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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