Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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