At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
