We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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