Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
