Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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