normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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