Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
