i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
