guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
