I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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