Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
