shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
