I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
