i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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