turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just puked most of my soul out..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
