I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
