No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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