So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
