I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
